I got asked a simple question today that really stumped me for reasons I don’t understand. ‘Why does music mean so much to you?’, was asked by acquaintance without realising how much her words had affected the girl sitting across from her. My immediate reaction was to change the subject and avoid the question. I did it in usual Katy fashion. Make a quick joke that makes for a quick exit. What I should of said was, music evokes emotion. I just think that I could be listening to a song feeling something completely different to another human listening to the same exact song and I think that is really fucking cool.
For those three or four minutes, you’re allowed to feel what ever you can possible imagine. I know bottling emotions up isn’t healthy but it’s a habit of mine and sometimes I just can’t help it and it happens. This means those minutes are my sanctuary. I allow myself to find peace, to know I’m not okay right now and that’s okay and when I’m okay, that I’m allowed to have a little fun. All though these minutes are a time of peace, there’s also a time where memories come flooding back and I can’t do anything to stop them. This can be sucky but I’d rather this then still have the shitty people in my life that have caused those bad memories. Saying this, sometimes they can be happy ones that put a smile on my face. Monster by Kayne West is one of those songs because I’ve seen my lunatic friends rap to this whilst being extremely drunk and that memory will forever make me laugh. Another one is, How You Remind Me by Nickelback, because it reminds me of my group of emo friends that enjoy that song way to much. Lets be honest, we just really enjoy Nickelback. All in all, that’s what my response should of been.
The reason why I’m writing this is because I’m mad that I was too scared of other people’s thoughts and reactions than to tell them something that really means a lot to me. I’m usually one of the most stubborn people on the planet but as soon as someone bring up a subject that I’m really passionate about I turn and run the other way. I’m opinionated, sometimes too opinionated for my own good, but I’m not afraid to tell you what I think. But this time I was. Hopefully this can be a memo to future me, to not be afraid, you are you and no one else can change that. You’re a music lover, an emotionally unstable music lover, and that’s okay.